Woken up early to give one of my keys to a family member - it was the wrong key and not what they wanted.

A family member needed a receipt for a family tent; which they had given to me so I could exchange part of the tent at the store. I had done all this, but the store had taken back the receipt as part of the exchange. Now the receipt is needed for the rest of the material which is ALSO wrong. sheesh.

Decided I might as well get a shower since I'm up early - maybe that would help me with my mood.

I get to the bathroom seconds after my brother starts the shower.

Aaaagh.

Each attempt gets me closer to giving you my heart in a note
Three: in a car, in a kitchen, and in a parking lot
Each attempt gets me quite close to saying.
("my heart" may be more than slightly melodramatic; you get the point -- "my inner thoughts on the matter," perhaps)
 
But yet again, I analyze myself and my words before I have a chance to say what I mean and want to mean.
Yes, I’ve been skirting an issue that has been present in my mind for, hmmm, some time now

No, this isn't about love, in case you're wondering
nor romance, nor any of that scary stuff
nor is this about envy or jealousy or sibling rivalry
it’s about permission

see I gave you permission: I gave you permission to enter in to a room of friends. Friends filter in and out of this room and it surprised me today that you’re suddenly at home, sitting here with a few others, quite content to take it all in.

Laid back and dryly commenting on the room’s décor, I sit astounded: So, I gave you permission, tentatively, not expecting a single remark
I gave you an offhanded invitation without expecting any acceptance, yet
Here you are.
In my room.

And it's really not that big of a deal, so why do i feel like i haven't fully expressed myself
I need to learn from you to be content with not expressing everything

(Clearly i fail in that department)

Yesterday was a procrastinating day.... however, I did spend quite a bit of time reworking arrangements for several new songs.

I was watching some YT videos, and while half-listening, I wrote lyrics for a tune. I went to the piano and put a bluesy riff to it. Done in ten minutes.

I don't feel like it's a great song at all, but it's definitely a good step ahead because I'm learning to write under different circumstances and to be dilligent about it.

This is up-tempo, bluesy, and cheeky/ lighthearted. Imagine that as you read. Also note that the first line is the first thought in my head: and it's true!... so I wrote it down! :) haha.

 

( read the lyrics here )

 

Well, it's been a few months hiatus from the LJ.... I may pick it up again, still deciding. For now... a lot has happened in my life. Small things that feel like big differences.

ie: Money.

Thirteen weeks ago, I starting taking a weekly course: Financial Peace University, by Dave Ramsey. It changed my life and habits with money. Here’s what I accomplished through this course:

•  
( read details here )
•  

Self-authenticating witness of the Holy Spirit
Get the relationship between faith and reason right!
Doubt is never simply an intellectual problem; there is always a spiritual dimension to doubt.
Key to victory: how to live with unanswered questions??
1.    cultivate spiritual disciplines
2.    foster the witness of the HS
Pursue that question ‘into the ground’ until you are satisfied intellectually.
It will free you from ever having that doubt.
Research.

I am reading a great book.
:) *will fill ya in soon*

I said 'No' to a gig offer the other day: I'm learning to say 'No!' Very freeing.

Those two comments are related.

Moses had lots of bad days.

.....

no conclusion to be offered here, I'm processing in my mind, not on a screen.

Now, I'm going to have to gracefully back out of one of the two commitments, and offer apologies to the other. I'll see by tonight how it's resolved.

Arrgghgh. I just bought a new 2009 agenda. That should greatly help.

I hate conflict.... and letting people down is conflict, sorta.

I need to read my Bible more.. yesterday, I was so stressed on the way to work, that I read Psalm 1 on the way.....a tree planted by rivers of water....

And devotions at work just kills me as we read all the prayer requests from the many donors who give to the organization......

My problems are so freakin small, compared to so many others.