Woken up early to give one of my keys to a family member - it was the wrong key and not what they wanted.

A family member needed a receipt for a family tent; which they had given to me so I could exchange part of the tent at the store. I had done all this, but the store had taken back the receipt as part of the exchange. Now the receipt is needed for the rest of the material which is ALSO wrong. sheesh.

Decided I might as well get a shower since I'm up early - maybe that would help me with my mood.

I get to the bathroom seconds after my brother starts the shower.

Aaaagh.

Each attempt gets me closer to giving you my heart in a note
Three: in a car, in a kitchen, and in a parking lot
Each attempt gets me quite close to saying.
("my heart" may be more than slightly melodramatic; you get the point -- "my inner thoughts on the matter," perhaps)
 
But yet again, I analyze myself and my words before I have a chance to say what I mean and want to mean.
Yes, I’ve been skirting an issue that has been present in my mind for, hmmm, some time now

No, this isn't about love, in case you're wondering
nor romance, nor any of that scary stuff
nor is this about envy or jealousy or sibling rivalry
it’s about permission

see I gave you permission: I gave you permission to enter in to a room of friends. Friends filter in and out of this room and it surprised me today that you’re suddenly at home, sitting here with a few others, quite content to take it all in.

Laid back and dryly commenting on the room’s décor, I sit astounded: So, I gave you permission, tentatively, not expecting a single remark
I gave you an offhanded invitation without expecting any acceptance, yet
Here you are.
In my room.

And it's really not that big of a deal, so why do i feel like i haven't fully expressed myself
I need to learn from you to be content with not expressing everything

(Clearly i fail in that department)

Yesterday was a procrastinating day.... however, I did spend quite a bit of time reworking arrangements for several new songs.

I was watching some YT videos, and while half-listening, I wrote lyrics for a tune. I went to the piano and put a bluesy riff to it. Done in ten minutes.

I don't feel like it's a great song at all, but it's definitely a good step ahead because I'm learning to write under different circumstances and to be dilligent about it.

This is up-tempo, bluesy, and cheeky/ lighthearted. Imagine that as you read. Also note that the first line is the first thought in my head: and it's true!... so I wrote it down! :) haha.

 

( read the lyrics here )

 

Well, it's been a few months hiatus from the LJ.... I may pick it up again, still deciding. For now... a lot has happened in my life. Small things that feel like big differences.

ie: Money.

Thirteen weeks ago, I starting taking a weekly course: Financial Peace University, by Dave Ramsey. It changed my life and habits with money. Here’s what I accomplished through this course:

•  
( read details here )
•  

Self-authenticating witness of the Holy Spirit
Get the relationship between faith and reason right!
Doubt is never simply an intellectual problem; there is always a spiritual dimension to doubt.
Key to victory: how to live with unanswered questions??
1.    cultivate spiritual disciplines
2.    foster the witness of the HS
Pursue that question ‘into the ground’ until you are satisfied intellectually.
It will free you from ever having that doubt.
Research.

I am reading a great book.
:) *will fill ya in soon*

I said 'No' to a gig offer the other day: I'm learning to say 'No!' Very freeing.

Those two comments are related.

Moses had lots of bad days.

.....

no conclusion to be offered here, I'm processing in my mind, not on a screen.

Now, I'm going to have to gracefully back out of one of the two commitments, and offer apologies to the other. I'll see by tonight how it's resolved.

Arrgghgh. I just bought a new 2009 agenda. That should greatly help.

I hate conflict.... and letting people down is conflict, sorta.

I need to read my Bible more.. yesterday, I was so stressed on the way to work, that I read Psalm 1 on the way.....a tree planted by rivers of water....

And devotions at work just kills me as we read all the prayer requests from the many donors who give to the organization......

My problems are so freakin small, compared to so many others.

( blah blah about music )

( blah blah about New Years )

Other topics not blogged about, but certainly on my mind:
- when friends collide
- how much complimenting is allowed
- the nature of changing friendships
- my latest fun visit with undergrad friends in Mississauga, ON
- I bought in agenda for 2009. Time to start planning
- I'm a planner-type individual. So sue me.

When my heart is full of phrases
(Some cannot be shared with allies)
The tension builds and will not abate
Upon closer watch, seen in mouth and eyes
No tears, not obvious
But full expression of my heart

And, on other days,
When much is said and done and thought
Discussion stays
Much closer, like cards held to the chest. Tonight, I fought
To understand why some, not obvious
Are more privy to my full heart

A boy, or man-- I can't yet tell
Barely asked to be heard or to hear
Yet, for that I trusted, and, knowing well
That trust is earned and shared burdens I can bear,
I offered the thoughts that are not obvious
A temporary unguarding of my heart

I will be cautious, as I've been until now
To speak when right, and to share when timely,
But friends are grown through seeds I sow--
Time spent, and conversation, and family--
So my shared affection may not be obvious
Yet I hope that my heart is still heard.

A lot of music written. happy with myself. we'll see if I can record this Sun! I hope.

:)

I spent a good hour writing some potential musical 'score'. it was fun!!

Two different time signatures, two different themes, lots of potential, hope to get this recorded before i forget.

my transcribing sucks, so i've got a blank page full of cheat-sheet like notation - just notes, but no timing; cause i can't do that well... i hope my memory will work for that timing!

Anyway, if nothing else, at least I have some great fodder for instrumental bits in shows or in church!

*yay* feels good to create.

i wrote the following poem in 2004. i write it here b/c it is actually where the title of this blog comes from.



It's frustrating feeling like I'm the only one around with a mind that is juggling numerous topics simultaneously. I often use the metaphor to explain myself. It's like one of those jugglers who has long poles that he spins on stage - atop each is a twirling plate. He somehow keeps all plates up in the air by running from one pole to the next, keeping it spinning.

Me: very much like that - flitting from one thought/topic to the next. At one moment, I'm re-thinking through a work project, then I'm texting a friend across the country about the weather, then I'm re-hashing a conversation I had 4 weeks ago, then I'm making a mental list of what i must buy from the store in order to make apple pies.

(Macintosh apples, and a lemon, and pic crusts - I have the rest of the ingredients here).

Personally, I can't imagine anyone getting to know me well enough to read my mind, let alone care what's flitting around inside it.

For now.... it helps to chat with other girls who are wired in very much the same way as me.

Did God make us like this on purpose? I hope this adds to the 'mystery' that (supposedly) makes women so interesting.

:)

and that's facetious, of course.

singing carols tonight with ERCS elementary school program.

No time to blog: gotta get home and practice! I'm most worried about key. If I go by the hymn book's key, I won't be reaching most of the high notes..... once I find the 'perfect' key, I will have to transpose the chords for the whole tune.

Btw, lately I've been thinking/ dreaming about going to school or taking serious study lessons for music.

Both piano & vocal. I think I could make most improvement in the vocal, for starters, but I love the piano enough to make a life-time commitment to excelling.

Sigh.... regardless of what *I* do, I can't seem to get away from little gigs here and there..... and I'm tired of feeling less-than-par.

Read into that as you may, the point is: i'm tired of the musical rut. I want to get out. The reality is that practice and lessons will get me out.

And, in regards to no songwriting recently. THIS weekend, I will definitely have a songwriting session.

1. You know what i've learned? Guys never grow up. Even grown men are still teen guys at heart having fun and making laughs. At least the ones I hang out with.

2. I have not written music in around a week..... I Haven't even had the time to sit and try. Yikes.

3. Piano hands... finally pleased with my nail length. Minor, yes. But personal victory.

4. Still haven't bought a cell. I hope to go today after work.

5. I'm earning a reputation for being social ("butterfly")..... now, that's interesting. On my To Do list: figure out the goods and bads of that.

6. Re: Prior post about being a prankster. I wish I could share the whole story, complete with pictures to document, but I can't. My pranking partner has forbidden it. Anyway, if you be curious, and if you call me, and if you happen to be deemed worthy, then perhaps I'll fill you in.

that's all for now.

( click here to read the long complicated story )


Action Steps:

-Buy a keyboard within 2 months.
-Buy a cell phone within 2 days.
-Make a to-do list before gigs. Carefully go over ahead of time and check off items before I leave.
-Next time, add in an hour extra of time for travel.
-Better yet, push for audio engineer and audio system rental.

One more gig to go… this Thursday. It will be a lot easier. Sit at grand piano, lead in carols. No travel required. No carrying or dismantling of instrument. Use of a trusted sound system with trusted audio techs.

hahahahahahahahahahahah

mwahhahahahahaha.

just had to get that out there.

So, I had my first experience in a television studio. We did two tunes: Go Tell It On the Mountain, and Angels We Have Heard on High...

Lots of thoughts. I'll leave them off here.... but here are some pics!

Congrats Adam! Hope you get lots of Socan royalties!! :)